Children’s Therapy Group for Social Skills Now Forming In Scarborough
A group for ages 11-17 years old is being formed for children struggling with social skills; including diagnoses spectrum disorders.
Please call 207-883-6032 for more information.
Close to 60 years old or more?
Help is available through counseling for the following needs;
- Loss of Job
- Loss of Partner
- Loss of Mobility
- Grand Kids
- Dating
- Retirement Confusion
Contact Scarborough Therapy today!
Happiness From Being Generous Has a Neural Basis Within the Brain
In a study on the psychology of giving, MRI scans revealed that an area of the brain linked to generosity triggered a response in another part related to happiness.
Why Your Brain Needs More Downtime
Research on naps, meditation, nature walks and the habits of exceptional artists and athletes reveals how mental breaks increase productivity, replenish attention, solidify memories and encourage creativity.
Every now and then during the workweek—usually around three in the afternoon—a familiar ache begins to saturate my forehead and pool in my temples. The glare of my computer screen appears to suddenly intensify. My eyes trace the contour of the same sentence two or three times, yet I fail to extract its meaning. Even if I began the day undaunted, getting through my ever growing list of stories to write and edit, e-mails to send and respond to, and documents to read now seems as futile as scaling a mountain that continuously thrusts new stone skyward. There is so much more to do—so much work I genuinely enjoy—but my brain is telling me to stop. It’s full. It needs some downtime.
Freelance writer and meditation teacher Michael Taft has experienced his own version of cerebral congestion. “In a normal working day in modern America, there’s a sense of so much coming at you at once, so much to process that you just can’t deal with it all,” Taft says. In 2011, while finalizing plans to move from Los Angeles to San Francisco, he decided to take an especially long recess from work and the usual frenzy of life. After selling his home and packing all his belongings in storage, he traveled to the small rural community of Barre, Mass., about 100 kilometers west of Boston, where every year people congregate for a three-month-long “meditation marathon.”
Taft had been on similar retreats before, but never one this long. For 92 days he lived at Insight Meditation Society’s Forest Refuge facility, never speaking a word to anyone else. He spent most of his time meditating, practicing yoga and walking through fields and along trails in surrounding farmland and woods, where he encountered rafters of turkeys leaping from branches, and once spotted an otter gamboling in a swamp. Gradually, his mind seemed to sort through a backlog of unprocessed data and to empty itself of accumulated concerns. “When you go on a long retreat like that there’s a kind of base level of mental tension and busyness that totally evaporates,” Taft says. “I call that my ‘mind being not full.’ Currently, the speed of life doesn’t allow enough interstitial time for things to just kind of settle down.”
2 Simple Steps for Improving Relationships
Step #1: Do more of what the other guy wants.
Step #2: Stop doing what the other guy hates.
And this, I think, is the core of what both need to do differently. I know, this sounds a bit simplistic; you’re thinking that there’s something more complicated than that, that there are all these problems, this history, some deep underlying issues, etc. But when you think about what’s at the center of “not getting along,” isn’t this what all those arguments are usually about — getting the other guy to do steps one and two?
Easy to say, but invariably where this all falls apart is getting both the partners to move forward on just these steps. Their heads make up reasons why they shouldn’t.
Here are some of the common saboteurs of real change:
You can feel the power struggle just reading this – this is a blink contest – who’s going to have to make the first move. Stop it: the power struggle, the saving face, the one-upmanship. Just make the first move.
2. After the way she has treated me, she doesn’t deserve for me to give her what she’s asking for.
This is a variation on the above with a bit more anger and judgment thrown in: You get some sort of revenge by withholding; You get to decide on the penance. Give it up, move forward.
3. What he wants is … not me, not in my personality, not my values, etc.
If you’re feeling that “what”, whatever it is, is outside your comfort zone, then it’s about your taking baby steps. If it’s about values, visions of life then it’s about compatibility, and these, admittedly, can be the really tough compromises. If you want to be “totally you” realize that the trade-off may be that you’ll have to live totally alone. Relationships require adaption. Decide how far you can go with compromise and change and see if it is enough.
4. There is no end to what she wants – she’ll never be happy, she’s only into control – why bother?
The all-or-nothing thinking here is the stuckpoint. As Benjamin Button said, “You can change or stay the same and stop whenever you want, there are no rules to this thing.” So you can go further and see what happens; you can stop when you want; you’re only controlled if you think you are controlled. Her being happy is up to her. You can only do the best you can do, and you can decide what that is.
5. He shouldn’t be so sensitive, get so upset, be so bothered,,,
Basically you’re saying he shouldn’t feel how he feels, that his feelings are not valid, are unimportant. This is where couples begin to argue over whose version of reality is correct to dismiss the other’s over-reaction – “I didn’t say that; yes you did, but I didn’t say that way…” — a stupid argument that goes nowhere and generally just fuels resentment. Maybe he is “over-reacting,” didn’t see it the way you did; yes, he can try adapting another perspective, but that’s his call and doesn’t nullify what he is feeling now.
So in the meantime, why wouldn’t you want to do something that can help him feel better because it’s important to him and you care about him?
The assumption running through all this is that you actually want to improve the relationship — the dynamics between you — and not win, get even, get the other guy to change, or have a reason to get out. You can also follow the thread – that’s it about dropping the attitude, feeling uncomfortable with making change, stop power struggling or being and staying angry, stop engaging in trench warfare where you both are either holding up in your bunkers or periodically lopping grenades at each other. You want to change the war-zone climate. You want to try having a generous heart.
So find out what the other guy wants, what he hates; have him make it as concrete as possible so you know exactly what to do. You do the same — tell him what you want and don’t want. Everybody puts his head down and tries doing it with no expectations. See what happens, stop when you want.
Do the best you can do.
Children Learn What They Live
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragment, he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.