Step #1: Do more of what the other guy wants.
Step #2: Stop doing what the other guy hates.
And this, I think, is the core of what both need to do differently. I know, this sounds a bit simplistic; you’re thinking that there’s something more complicated than that, that there are all these problems, this history, some deep underlying issues, etc. But when you think about what’s at the center of “not getting along,” isn’t this what all those arguments are usually about — getting the other guy to do steps one and two?
Easy to say, but invariably where this all falls apart is getting both the partners to move forward on just these steps. Their heads make up reasons why they shouldn’t.
Here are some of the common saboteurs of real change: